Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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