forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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