yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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