My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
