I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
