I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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