im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
