How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
