I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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