watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
