Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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