i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
