He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
