Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
