god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
