She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
