Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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