You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
