I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
