My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
