she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
