His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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