Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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