Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
