So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They are going to name an STD after you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
