come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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