Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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