dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
