Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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