he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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