i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
