I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
