This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
