I'm gonna have a badass scar
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
