dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
