Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
