i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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