Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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