just tell him i said nine months
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
