Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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