obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
