come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just invented taco cereal.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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