i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize