Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
