If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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