i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
