You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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