his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
