Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
