TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
