Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
