If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
