yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
