eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
