ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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