im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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