fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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