it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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