Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
