considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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