Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just pynch a tree in the face
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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