ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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