During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
