He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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