I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize