so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
