i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize